Comedy artists Bruce Cropley and Alan Morris release new satirical single “The Twelve Calls to PhoneCorp”

Comedy artists Bruce Cropley and Alan Morris have released their new satire “The Twelve Calls to PhoneCorp”

Comedy artists Bruce Cropley and Alan Morris have released their new satire “The Twelve Calls to PhoneCorp.” The single is an audio comedy play in the tradition of the best radio shows and is structured around the popular Christmas traditional, “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” It has a running time of approximately eight and a half hilarious minutes, all of which are entirely utilized, packed with more gags and one-liners than one might think possible in such a short span of time. This is the second collaboration between Cropley and Morris, who are from Australia and the Netherlands, respectively, and both of whom are accomplished musicians in addition to their other talents.


The satirical play tells a story to which anyone with a telephone can relate: the attempt to conduct simple, straightforward business through an automated telephone system that seems to serve no other purpose than to divert the communications of a company’s clientele. The pathetic protagonist, wonderfully (and ridiculously) played by Alan Morris, wants merely to pay his phone bill. Naturally, this basic desire is parried by PhoneCorp’s digital operator, whose lines are narrated by the infuriatingly soft-toned female voice of Macintosh OSX’s “Vicki.” Insanity ensues, becoming exponentially more bizarre and surreal with each of the twelve calls.


It would not do to represent here much of the well-penned and well-performed humor, but it may be related without ruining any of the listener’s fun that the first call to PhoneCorp results in the all-too-believable: “The system is currently down,” which is later followed by, “We are upgrading, please call again.”


By the sixth ring, there is apparently fish bait involved, as well as the brainwashing of children. High points include (but are in no way limited to) phone sex with camels, “suicide support,” and of course, the frustrations of humanity’s worst invention since global thermonuclear war, digital voice recognition.


The fantastic piece of audio satire is available everywhere online beginning December 29 of 2012.


Cast –
The caller: Alan
PhoneCorp main voice: Vicki (Apple OS X voice)
PhoneCorp advertising: Alex (Apple OS X voice)
Candy: Alan
Dave: Alan
Billie: Anonymous Net Camels
Kevin’s Mum (“Mrs. Customer”): Alan
Raj: Alan


-S. McCauley

Staff Press Release Writer



The comedy single “The Twelve Calls to PhoneCorp” is distributed globally by MondoTunes ( and is available at iTunes for convenient purchase and download


MondoTunes ( supplies the largest music distribution in the world and provides upstream services for many major labels in search of breakout artists. While most independent distributors reach only 45-50 retailers despite charging needless monthly and yearly fees, MondoTunes reaches over 750 retailers and mobile partners in over 100 world regions without any monthly or yearly fees.




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About BothEyesShut

BothEyesShut is your friendly autodidact, at your service to amuse, enthuse, and offend you with a fresh, steady flow of original disinformation. He was born in Huntington Beach, CA and is currently writing his fifth novel. "In a Real World, This Would Be Happening" is his first return to non-fiction since his monthly column in Going Coastal magazine in 2001. He lives in Long Beach.

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